Don’t Settle For Less: Say No To What You Don’t Want

"Having what you want in your life is largely a function of learning to say no to what you don't want." It's the Universe's way of checking in with us. Do you really want what you want? Or will you say yes to less?

Too often people seem to be scared by saying “No”. The fear of rejection overcomes the desire of authenticity. It's even harder when what's in front of us is almost what we want but not quite. We think a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. We doubt that what we want actually exists in its wholeness, and we do the settle-for-less dance.

This date is perfect except that they were 15 minutes late to pick me up. This guy is perfect except he’s got a hot temper. This woman is perfect except she’s always complaining and negative.

• Do you want someone who's on time? Say no to the one who isn't!

• Do you want guy who stays calm in the face of conflict? Say no to the one who isn't!

• Do you want a woman who has a positive attitude? Say no to the one who doesn’t!

How many of you are spending time with somebody that’s not quite what you want. Are you just kind of passing the time away with that person because you’re afraid to say “NO”?

How To Read Someone You Are Into

If you are single and looking for love, here is a fact that might surprise you. Ninety percent of what you say to the people you meet is non-verbal. Very often we give clues and signals to those we are attracted to without even realizing it.

Being able to read body language can give you clues as to whether someone has a romantic interest in you or not. By accurately reading their body language you will be able to determine if the other person is feeling comfortable around you and eager to get to know you better.

1. How close a person stands to you can be one of the most important body language clues to whether someone is interested in you romantically or not. Their proximity to you can be directly proportional to their romantic interest in you. In other words the closer they stand to you the more interested they are in you romantically and the farther they stand away from you the less interested they are in pursuing a romance with you.

2. When a person crosses their arms, it may mean any of the following:

a) When You're Talking - They may not agree with what you said, and may be doubting or suspecting you. They may have a bad impression of you and may not wish to continue talking with you. It may also depict arrogance or defensiveness.

b) When Their Talking - They may be hiding something from you, or may even be lying. A person engages in this protective posture when they feel anxious or nervous.

c) They might just be feeling cold.


3. Body positioning can also be a form of body language that can either convey romantic interest or disinterest. When speaking to someone, if their body and particularly their torso is turned towards you and leaning closer to you this is an indication of romantic interest. This body positioning leaves you unguarded and vulnerable which indicates trust in the other person.

4. Your eyes often send body language messages to those around you letting them know whether or not you are interested in them. When you have a romantic interest in someone you make eye contact and also blink often. Both of these signals let the other person know that you are attracted to them by conveying the message that you are interested in what they have to say.

Avoiding eye contact lets a person know that you are not comfortable with them and that you do not have a romantic interest in them.

Remember that it may take some time to really read people in this way. Also remember that as you are looking for signs of attraction to be aware of the signals that you are sending out as well. Keep in mind that this is not an exact science. The general idea is to look for many signs together to give you a clearer picture of a person's interest or intentions.

What Are Your Relationships Saying About You?

Do you find yourself attracting the same relationship issues into your life? Your life and relationships are a perfectly polished mirror for what is in your sub consciousness.

Mirror, mirror...

If you ask your mirror the questions, "What are my best attributes?" or "What are my flaws?" there's a limitation to the accuracy of your reflection. After all it's just you - evaluating you. But, if you take the same approach and incorporate relationships into your evaluation, patterns will emerge - and the picture is likely to become much more complete.

One concept having to do with this is, "When you don't like something in someone else, it's reflecting something within yourself that you don't like." You might have heard about this principle, and wondered about it, as I have. How could it be? I didn't like people who are liars or super into themselves. Did that mean that somehow I was being that way? Try as I might, I couldn't see that in myself. It has taken me many years of observation and contemplation before I have finally made some sense out of it.

Whenever you don't like a trait in someone else, it's usually reflecting something within you that you've concealed from yourself. It also may be that you recognize the potential for that trait within yourself, and don't like it. You don't have to act on those attributes you don't like. But when you find out how the qualities you dislike are expressing in you, and accept them, the energy around them melts away. You no longer have to attract people who are reflecting the parts of you that you've masked.

The Universe simply sent these relationship issues into your life as sign posts to teach you to accept yourself. All of yourself. The Universe accepts you unconditionally as you are. Wouldn't you want to accept yourself as much as the Universe does? This is a very empowering realization.

The Flake Filter - How to Flake Proof Your Date

It can be extremely aggravating when dealing with flakes. You know what I'm talking about: the "no-show" flakes, or the promising first couple of dates that lead nowhere?

Don’t worry, it happens to each and every one of us. We meet a wo/man, who seems into us, and then, just as we are about to reciprocate they FLAKE. Ugh… our hearts drop. What happened? What went wrong? There is no fail-safe method to preventing this, but there are some tried and true tips to help stave-off the dreaded flake out.

Here we go.

1. S/he asks you out and does not follow through within a reasonable amount of time. There is not much point in asking someone out and not taking action for several weeks. You can expect this kind of behavior in the future.

2. S/he says they'll call and doesn't. If you don't enjoy repeatedly waiting for the phone to ring why put up with it?

3. S/he comes on strong and then as fast as they came on they’re gone. Don’t waste your time with someone who is waffling you deserve to have someone that’s consistent.

When you meet someone you find appealing, always keep in mind that chemistry is simply one element in your assessment process to help determine whether they are partner material. Don’t compromise your values with flakes when dating, apply the 50/50 rule:

• Equally Interested

• Equally Engaged

• Equally Giving

• Equally Attracted

• Equally Concerned About the Growth of the Relationship

In a new relationship there is absolutely no reason to compromise and cross the 50% line. Remember you are the “chooser.” Bring reason into the equation. Take things slow and steady. A relationship is not a race, and indeed running this race too quickly may mean starting all over again because you didn’t take the necessary time to thoroughly screen your partner.

Your ideal partner is your equal and should not be idealized or put on a pedestal. You deserve an amazing mate. Don’t forget it. And don’t forget how amazing you are, with all you have to offer a partner.