How many reactions do you have a day about other people’s behaviors, words or actions? I know I can spend way too much time telling myself stories about what other people say and do. What about you? Do you spend a lot of time judging and talking about other’s behaviors?
When we take what others do seriously, we are agreeing with their perception or behavior. It’s a choice we each make every day whether to focus on the positive or negative actions of others.
Because this is easier said then done I'll share with you the four strategies I use to NOT take things personally:
1. Give the benefit of the doubt. If you have a habit of taking things personally, it means that you're apt to assume someone is directing some form of aggression towards you specifically, when they might be just joking around, or having a bad day. It might be your instinct to react, or curl up into a ball emotionally, but pause for a second. Maybe it's not about you. Learn how to gain control of your emotions.
2. Refocus your attention. When you take things personally, you shift your attention from what they said or did to how you feel. Unless you move on from that point, it's likely that you'll ruminate, and the negative feeling will be amplified. Instead, focus again on the other person.
- Look at how the person treats others. They might tease, pick on, or even insult everyone they cross paths with. Some people are just antagonistic like that.
- Consider their insecurities. Could they feel threatened by you in some way? If so, don't feel bad for being your awesome self. Think about how you can help this person feel better about themselves.
- Keep in mind that the other person probably has poor communication and emotional management skills. Imagine that there's an inner child acting out, because the person hasn't learned how to deal with things in a mature way. It's much easier to be patient and feel compassionate when you visualize a learning child at the helm of their behavior.
3. Remind yourself that you don't need anyone's approval. If you're especially sensitive to people's behavior towards you, to the extent that you regularly overreact, it might be because you've got a strong radar for rejection. If you pick up on any kind of displeasure, you worry that you're doing something wrong, and you want to fix it eagerly. But just because someone isn't happy with you doesn't mean you've done something wrong. In many cases, it means that person isn't happy with themselves, and expects you to fill in the blanks (which is impossible).
4. Stop taking compliments personally, too. If you base your self-worth on how much people compliment and validate you, then you're basically allowing others to decide how you feel about yourself. If someone compliments you, it's no more personal than a direct insult. They're simply calling it how they see it, and that may or may not be accurate--only you can be the judge of that. So if someone is positive towards you, that doesn't make you a better person, it makes them a better person, because they're taking the time to be supportive and encouraging. Your value, your self-worth remains unchanged, because it's something that comes from within.
When we decide to take personally, what others do to us only adds more stress to our lives. All that negative energy that we give attention to, when in fact, we do not have any control over. Maybe we think by thinking, talking, discussing or complaining about others, we can change the behavior. Even if we share our reactions with the other, we have no ability to change it. So why take it personally? Instead, allow the other person to live with their choices.
When I decided to take the journey towards learning to let go of what others do, I started to relax more and had more energy to live my own life. Reacting to others takes a lot of energy and I don’t want to give over to others my precious assets – my time and my well-being.
It’s all about choosing what path we want to take in life…
Let me know where you are in your life around what other people do and whether you take it personally. Do you think it’s possible to let go of taking personally what other people do?
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