Is It Love or Infatuation?

So many of us become overwhelmed with strong feelings of passion and fascination that we find ourselves in dreadful relationships later. We'll marry in haste or wind up in abusive situations or simply in relationships that do not work out.

There is an emotion that can feel as strong as love (because it involves your hormones!), but it is not love -- it's infatuation. What is infatuation anyway? What's the difference between infatuation and real love? Infatuation is an emotion. Real love is deeper than just emotion. Emotions can't always be trusted. They will change as circumstances around you change. (For example: when you're sick, tired, stressed, fearful, etc.) Love is a commitment to the other person, whether the emotions are there or not.

• Infatuation is love at first sight - fireworks! -bells! Real love takes time. It's a growing experience based on shared interests, beliefs, and attitudes.
• Infatuation only takes. Love gives. Infatuation wants to know "What is in this for me?" Love says, "What can I do for you? How can I help make you a success? How can I meet your needs?"
• Infatuation is insecure. Infatuation gets jealous and unreasonable. Love doesn't. Infatuation fades with time, separation, or change. Love won't.
• Infatuation is fueled by passion and lust. Love runs on respect.
• Love is patient. When you really love someone, you accept them just as they are. Of course, you encourage them to grow, but you love and accept them unconditionally -- no strings attached. Real love allows you to be patient with weaknesses and flaws.
• Love is kind. Love is positive and lifts people up, never pulls them down. Love sees the needs of others, and does what it can to meet those needs. It's never harshly critical.
• Love is not jealous. Remember, love gives, it doesn't take. It wants to share time and attention with others. It allows the one you love the freedom to have other friends and interests apart from you. It's not possessive.
• Love is not boastful. It centers on the other person and not on yourself. If it brags about anything it brags about the one you love. Love keeps you from being full of yourself and keeps you humble. You are proud of your partner and not of yourself for snagging him or her. You realize that person is a gift from God, and not somebody you have earned.
• Love is not rude. Love respects others and shows them courtesy. It demands respect from other people toward the one you love.
• Love does not hold grudges. Love is able to forgive; it doesn't dwell on past failures.
• Love is willing to trust. When you really love someone, you'll believe in them, even when they cannot believe in themselves. Again, because there is no fear in love, you trust that person. You're able to give yourself completely to the relationship.
• Love expects the best. It will always give a person the benefit of the doubt. Real love is positive, not negative. It looks for the best and finds it.
• Love stands its ground in defending the other person. Love is protective (without being jealous), and will continue to love even when it's not returned. Now this is the real thing. If you love someone, you should see the evidence grow and mature over time. Infatuation cannot produce the actions and attitudes of love. No matter how intense the feelings, it's not really love.