Are You In a Mini-Marriage?

The mini-marriage results from acting committed and being exclusive before you are ready for a committed relationship, or doing so with someone whom you don't consider a likely long-term partner choice. We have heard singles humorously refer to this relationship as 'the one-night stand that never left.' People who are not ready for commitment but are in exclusive relationships interfere with their ability to:

• Build the life they really want
• Become ready for the relationship they really want, and
• Attract the partner they really want

Mini-marriages are typically driven by need, fear, and unconsciousness:

• Need for companionship
• Fear of being alone
• Fear that you can't get what you really want
• Lack of awareness of your readiness status and of how to get your social and relationship needs met effectively.

This is like accepting your first job offer, not wanting to pass it up because you need a job, ignoring the red flags and crossing your fingers that it will work out.

Characteristics of a Mini-Marriage include:

• Purpose: to meet physical, social, emotional needs prior to a committed relationship or when commitment is not desired; sometimes to 'test drive' a relationship and see if it is a good long-term choice.
• Focus: meeting short-term needs, unclear about future of relationship
• One or both partners are unsure about the relationship or don't consider it to be a good long-term choice
• One or both partners are not ready for a committed relationship
• Exclusive, appears committed to the observer
• Typically early (even immediate) emotional and physical involvement with few boundaries
• Typically unconscious; partners are unaware of and don't discuss the above