Twenty Something and Divorced?

You’re in your twenties and you've got a "failed" marriage to your credit. Now what?

The first and obvious questions are, “Why do we make poor relationship choices that are so blatantly (in hindsight) wrong for us? Why do our relationships begin with such deep passion and feelings of connection only to fizzle out in a few years?

Well, there are physiological factors associated with the feelings of “falling in love” that you might not be aware of. So, hold on to your hat (or your socks or undies) because this will explain a lot: The sensations we get when we fall in love are heightened by chemicals and hormones that our bodies release during the “falling in love” stage. It’s what is called “chemistry” and without wise and conscious thinking to balance it, those love chemicals can easily trick us and lead us down the wrong path, with the wrong person.

Falling in love is one’s yearning to belong, to bond and to become a couple. Most people are not consciously aware of what it takes to create a successful relationship and have an idealized vision of love that is based on the media’s version of what love looks like and their own dreams, expectations, and fantasies.  Most people fall in love with the superficial qualities and characteristics of another and don’t focus on key compatibility issues, like whether you have shared values, similar life goals, and the same relationship requirements and needs.

Newly smitten lovers often romanticize their partner, magnifying their qualities and explaining away their flaws. While they often get glimpses of each other’s flaws, they ignore these red flags because they are “high” on love chemicals.

As a newly single person, YOU now have a unique opportunity to take accountability for your life, by getting clear about who you are and what you want and need in order to be happy and fulfilled in a love relationship - BEFORE you actively search for your next ideal life partner. The work you do now will increase your chances of finding a satisfying and long-lasting love relationship. Put in the time and effort that is required, work with a relationship coach, read books on relationships and take relationship workshops - you are definitely worth it!

adapted from David Steele's Conscious Dating Readiness